Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts

🧁 I'm a February Baby 🧁

11 February 2020



I celebrated my birthday not too long ago and it somehow transformed into a full week of birthday surprises and wonderful gifts. If you've been around my blog long enough, you probably noticed that I just about rarely talk about my birthday because a) I don't really celebrate it, b) because I don't hype it up, nobody knows and finally, c) I haven't planned out how my initial responses will be if I got surprised with a celebration for me. Am I supposed to burst into tears? Smile until my cheeks hurt? I mean, is there a guidebook on ''HOW TO REACT REASONABLY TO A ONCE IN A BLUE MOON BIRTHDAY SURPRISE FOR YOU"??? Turns out that this year was a little different and I'm showered with surprises left and right for at least 2-3 days straight.

I had wonderful birthday gifts this year including a poetry book from my all time favourite poet, Atticus whose book is called "The Truth About Magic", a super pretty velvety blouse from my roomie, a silky beautiful grey baju kurung, chocolates and snacks, and cutie birthday cards. I didn't think of what I wanted this year but the precious people in my life seem to know exactly what to get for me. There were also slices of tasty birthday cakes thrown into my surprises and with that, ladies and gentleman, my cravings for cakes have been fueled to the max to last me for the rest of the year. I'll never again ask more cakes... But I mean, we will just have to see how far that perseverance will last.


We managed to gather some of our close friends in our masters degree batch to a dinner and had a quick catching up session. Most have already completed their masters and are either working or searching for a job. I'm so proud of them and the stories we brought to the table!! Laughing till my stomach exploded is a complete understatement.
Location: Serai @ Jaya Shopping Centre



I received two EXQUISITE boxes of clothes this year with one containing a pretty rusty orange blouse. It feels so soft and velvety to the touch with a cute bow at the waist. I'll wear this for LIFE. It's the most adorable blouse I own now. HAHAHA And the second one like I mentioned earlier is a silky grey baju kurung that I was oggling at for the past year. I wore both outfits during my dinners and events that I had last week. Thank youuuuu to the two precious people in my life for these precious gifts. You know who you are! <3


Accompanying the blouse, my roomie also arranged for a surprise birthday cake with a red squiggly birthday wish for me. The Secret Recipe waiter had lit a candle that was on the cake and sang a birthday song. MY FACE WAS ON FIRE. I didn't know if it was because of all the attention I was getting or the huge weird smile permanently plastered to my face, but I was soooo happy! I ate the rest of my cake and dinner till I felt like I was going to explode for the second day in a row.


I was also gifted with a beautiful book from an even more beautiful soul who understood my deep love for poetry. I had almost forgotten that Atticus's third book is now published and simply WAITING for me to get my hands on it. Thank YOU for this present! I know it'll be sitting faithfully at my bedside for weeks until I've memorised my favourite poems in the book.

Related image
Happy Birthday to all February babies out there! I hope your birthday in 2020 is a blast!



Check out these recent posts since you're here and don't forget, drop a hello in the comment section!

😒[Relationship Series] Does Insecurity Kills the Cat?

26 January 2020

Syazwani14Cats
Insecurity is a lot more common than we think. Between you and I, everybody in this world has some levels or aspects of insecurities they're clinging to. Perhaps for some of us, we're more anxious to break free from the many unanswered "what-ifs" questions we beat ourselves with. At some point of our lives I'm sure we've come to the realisation that our insecurities, whatever form they may be, are taking a toll on our lives and relationships, and it's actually exhausting to face it by yourself. In some instances, you might be so overwhelmed with these thoughts that you'd hurt the ones who you actually love as well.

Before we truly begin with the topic on insecurities in the context of human relationships, I'd like to just point out that I'm clearly not an expert in this sort of discussion. My own experience in battling my inner turmoils and talking it out with a few kind souls that I trust are enough to convince me that it's okay to talk about it in public. Let's face it, we've all come across the same problem a couple of times in our lives.

If you're not confident about yourself, then how do you expect to believe in someone who thinks the world of you?

I came across similar sayings like this in movies and even in conversation exchanges between friends. It strikes to me because it truly shows how insecurities can block a lot of good things into your life, including believing in yourself and others. I don't think a mere post can change my life for the better, but it could be a step to realising that I have a problem and that I can fix it... step by step.

What is insecurity?

According to Good Therapy, insecurities involves having a lack of confidence and self-worth that some people perceive about themselves in their lives. In some instances, being a little insecure isn't entirely a bad thing. Feeling a bit jealous or possessive that is expressed within a safe boundary is still considered healthy. However, the moment our insecurities lead to actions and make us grow more dependent on someone, it changes the game entirely.

When we're in a relationship with somebody without our self-worth, we give ourselves little choice but to depend on that very relationship to complete the missing pieces. When this isn't reciprocated, we break apart and that's how our relationship feel the side-effects of our insecurities.

Here are just some examples of instances that showcase insecurities by PsychCentral. Do you spot any that relate to you? To be honest, I feel slightly attacked with some (insert inner laugh-cry here):

  1. Pushing yourself to be extra nicer or giving to get someone's attention or support.
  2. More focused on pleasing others than fulfilling your own feelings and needs.
  3. Have a major fear of unwanted scenarios like rejection or abandonment.
  4. Can be easily overwhelmed with emotions and need the help of others to calm you down.
  5. Have trouble to express/open yourself up to others so you focus on their interests instead (can be overwhelming for that other person).
  6. Purposefully choose partners who you perceive as "distant" so that you need to work in getting their attention and ensure the relationship is intact. The downside? It pushes your belief that you're not good enough (you're working to make things work).

Sue me, I have insecurites. What do I do?

We've heard of this many times, but I'll put it out here to nail it to my head too: your relationship with YOURSELF is worth everything and that is why having awareness to form a better inner relationship with yourself is important. The success of your relationship with another person all comes down to how you view yourself in the first place, which will reflect your actions and behaviour with others. You may be a wonderful person to be with but your insecurities, if they're not pushed aside, can stop you from fully expressing who you are.

  1. If you critic yourself too hard, then change tactics. Channel that same energy to convince yourself otherwise. Remind yourself with reasons why you're an interesting person. There are people in your life who love to have you around. Tell yourself how your existence made a difference in someone else's life.
  2. Set realistic goals about changing yourself and drop your inner-perfectionist. You can't be a different person overnight. If you want to be better, you have to celebrate every little detail of you as you change. Even if you flopped a little, you're trying and that's always better than nothing at all.
  3. Keep your relationships with family and friends alive. You gain more strength in a relationship when you know you have a backup plan if things don't work out. Have steady, quality relationships with other people you trust that you can fall back to if things go wrong. There's more than one source of happiness in our lives.
Related image
"Insecurity breeds insecurity" as Dr. Randi Gunther wrote in her article. This was used to describe an analogy or a consequence when our insecurities continue to be let loose even when our loved ones try to heal us. They would scrutinise their own worth in the relationship when nothing works or little of what they did actually made you feel better. There is so much that someone can do to help make us feel better. In the end, you need to realise that you have that upperhand to face yourself straight on and love yourself. 

πŸ‘‹ 2019, What a Time to Be Alive

31 December 2019


How would I reflect on my life this year? What do I make of the good and bad that happened? 
To be honest, I'm not so sure. There's just something about 2019 that overall doesn't sit very well with me. I've gone through a lot, mostly fighting through my mental battles and just trying to stay in one piece without breaking at the edges. Things were tough and I feel that way strongly about 2019. Of course, I'm not going to brood about this very long because let's face it, I want to get 2019 done and over with as much as the next person does. At the same time, I won't sugarcoat my words and pretend things were completely fine. I wish I can recall all the things that happened but when you have the memory of a squirrel, it doesn't work well. 

But with that, there were definitely some very good things worth to remember about this year. The things I achieved were achievements I never thought I would have the strength and enough opportunities to do. The friends and family who stood by me and believed that I could do anything I set my mind to even when I lost faith in myself are priceless. And at the end of the day, I realised that things will piece in together and turn out for the better. What I needed was a little bit of faith and magic (of course not the latter) to see it through the end. 

I'm not hoping to make new resolutions for 2020. What I am hoping for is that I would give myself more credit, be a little kinder and strive to better myself within my means. 

AAANDDD..... THANK YOU FOR READING!

I hope you had a great year in 2019 and perhaps an even better year in 2020. 


Lots of love, 
Wani





😳 [My Stories] If Only I Wasn't So Afraid...

7 October 2019


WELL, WELL, WELL. A fresh new topic to get my weaknesses spread around the Internet? Getting my readers more depressed with my weekly posts? Well again, not really. I think this is more for the purpose of getting it out there that despite how I look around people, I'm actually really shy. Okay, so maybe shy isn't the right word I would use and I know my friends would rather rip their brains out of their heads than associate "shy" with me.

No, the problem with me is not that I'm just shy, but I'm sometimes a little frustrated by how much I hesitate to push away my fears, insecurities and the many "what-ifs" before making decisions and do something for myself. I get it, being a little cautious is not necessarily a bad thing but if that results in stopping me from getting what I want, then I need to rethink how I handle myself in these situations.

I realise that I have missed out on opportunities that could have been big for me. Things like voicing out my emotions when the time calls for it rather than keeping it stored inside. Things like making more effort to ask how my friends are doing and meeting up. Or even read through the ginormous amount of freshly bought books I never touched because I'm worried I'd read too much and time passes by when I have other things to do too.

You know, they're all just little things that if done right, I know I have spent my day well.

Here are some things I hope to tick off in the next one or two years:
  1. Become a better listener and an even better composed person at giving advices.
  2. Take my OWN advices as well.
  3. If I'm not happy about something, SAY IT.
  4. Avoid getting into toxic topics on social media just so that I can brag that I'm up-to-date with current news.
  5. Eat healthier, exercise more. It's not embarrassing to sprawl on the floor, exhausted in my apartment and letting my housemates question my motives. 
  6. Dress up and makeup the way I like.
  7. Keep my plants healthy for the rest of the year.
  8. Don't be afraid to be heard in a group of friends.
  9. Believe that you're doing just fine. Just because things are tough, it doesn't mean you're failing. You're surviving.
  10. To accept that despite my many insecurities and weaknesses, I have my strengths too.
  11. And despite how I am, there are people who love my company.

Inspired by Wit & Delight


Related image

🐈 It's Time You Meet Leo

4 September 2019


Sometimes, I find it very hard to take myself seriously and it's usually about anything that has to do with this blog. Since "😳[Relationship Series] I'm An Introvert" was posted a month ago, there has been little life here. Actually, more could have been said and shared, and I was around blogwalking from one amazing blog to another. Still, I just couldn't find that feeling of writing anything. 

That is until today. I've been keeping it to myself for a while (excluding my social media heheh) and I'm ready to dedicate a special introduction about him. In fact, I really believe it can sort of make up for the seriously long and unnecessary blog hiatus I've taken. 

I want to talk about LEO.

Who is Leo? Well, take a fine good look at himπŸ’–:

The sweetest ball of floof ever!

Leo is a mixed breed (Persion/Local) kitten we've recently taken under our wings since about two weeks ago. I wrote a long story about how he came to our doorstep in my stories but I'll spare you the details.

He's about four weeks old and is already learning to play and sniff around the house to explore. We're currently keeping him separated in a spare toilet specially dedicated to be his temporary bedroom. This is totally necessary because we already have a 3-year old cat, Dessi living in with us and she's a mighty jealous feline with the most horrible social skills you can find anywhere. While we wait till he grows a little older, Dessi can learn to get used to his scent and seeing him being paraded around the house from afar. She still hisses a little whenever she sees him but that's just about it for now.

At first when we found Leo, he was in a really bad shape. A male cat had isolated him out from the rest of the litter who were living next door and dropped him from a high wall that separated between both our houses. We had attempted to put Leo back to be with his mother again but not long after, the same male cat dropped him back on the concrete floor in our backyard. After what happened, we couldn't risk putting him back in case the male cat was around and that maybe he wouldn't survive the third fall. We wrapped him up in a fresh new towel and placed him inside a basket outside our kitchen. As much as we wanted to take him in, he just seemed so young and small for us to care for him. His mother was his best option.

The second night we had Leo

Unfortunately, his mother never claimed him and we decided that his fate was better with us. That was about two weeks ago and it felt like such a long time. He's fitting right in with all of us and I think we missed having a kitten to play with and take care of. He's a stark contrast to Dessi and in a way, we like the difference. While Dessi is more of a tough hunter sort of cat who keeps the house pest-free from cockroaches, flies, lizards, etc., Leo is gentle and likes to cuddle his fellow hoomans. There's a good balance having them around the house and I am SO GOING TO MISS HIM once the semester starts next week. T_T

Another great news is that another kitten from the same litter got rescued too and is safely being cared for by our neighbour. His name is Baby (don't ask but you have to admit, it suits him) and he is such an angel! He was in a similarly bad shape when he was found, what with the recent heavy rain and the fact that we think their mother had abandoned them. Baby was very skinny, with cramps in his back legs so that when he walked, he was sort of limping. He's currently recovering from worms and the last I've heard about him is that he's gaining some weight and making his hoomans very happy. I can't wait for Leo and Baby to meet up someday!

Baby

Related image
This may not be the kind of post you were expecting from me after weeks of being MIA. Still, I think I could do with a break from producing more posts for the relationship series until another great idea appears. I have about a week left before the new semester begins and Leo is doing a great job at keeping me busy all day. I hope I can come home every weekend to see how he's doing (and Dessi of course heh). 

What do you think about Leo? Do you have a special furry friend like Leo at home too? Share your stories with me!




😳[Relationship Series] I'm An Introvert

30 July 2019


Whether most are aware of this or not - I'm an introvert. I'm not sure if it's just me or this is something a lot of introverts face whenever we have to disclose what sort of person we are, but the reactions we get can sometimes be priceless. Some people who personally know me in real life think it's a far fetched notion and refuse to believe that I am one, while for others, it just makes sense. It's not that hard to picture me enjoying my time with small company, skipping small talks and chatting about something real and quietly excusing myself just to recharge my "social battery" with what a little bit of seclusion can offer.


Being an introvert has its many perks but to be honest, it took a while for me to come around and  acknowledge that part about me. One reason for this is because back then, I honestly didn't like being one. There's actually nothing wrong with being an introvert but the world seems to have a different perspective on that. They label us as shy, lacking of confidence and quiet. "I wish you speak up more" and "You're a little bit quiet, aren't you?" are just some of the comments I think we all have heard of before.

My point here is, we're not seen as sociable creatures in contrast to those with a more bubbly personality that everybody thinks should be the way for everyone else. However, I think it's funny that such expectations are there for us because if everybody is talking all at once, who is actually listening and critically analysing what is being said? And if everybody is talking, it just makes it harder to give turns for others to participate and contribute. We advocate things like acceptance of diversity among people but imposing the idea that being different or at least in this case, an introvert, is defective goes against everything we stand for.

Being an introvert doesn't make you any less successful than others and I think where I stand now is a good proof of that. I don't know if anybody has noticed this but the gap duration between when this post was published and the previous one is pretty big. It has nothing to do with me being busy but I was actually having a pretty hard time to talk about this topic in the best way that I can. It's really personal and that's what made it so difficult because I'm not used to writing about MYSELF.

I recently came across this website by PURE LUCK and for all the introverts out there, it is a safe haven to read up about yourself and know how much you're worth it. I wish I can whip up a better post but I think this is the best that I can do (for now). Until next timeeee, thank you for reading!
Related image

Photo credit above: Georgia de Lotz on Unsplash

🀷[Relationship Series] What If You're The Toxic One?

9 July 2019


In today’s post, I’d like to dive in a little deeper to a different topic that somewhat relates to what I was talking about in my previous post: [Relationship Series] Be Selfish: Build That Self-Love. Loving yourself unconditionally is and should always will be your top priority and because of that, accepting your flaws is one way to prove to yourself that you have what it takes to be a better you. 

You know how we’re always told to avoid toxicity and the people it possesses like there’s fire burning at our heels? It’s true, we should, we must. But then again, nobody can truly run far from being toxic. I’m not validating or supporting the people who make our lives miserable because believing that being toxic is simply a personality trait is nothing but a terribly weak excuse. What I do believe in though is that as a human being, we’re all made up of a ball of complexity with all the good and bad bits that make us who we are. We’re not entirely perfect but there’s never real pressure to be one. Who needs to be? 


We may be a good or bad person (or both), but whoever we are, I think just about anyone can fall into toxicity – this includes ourselves too and at some point of our lives, we have to admit that there could be times when we may be contributing to our own hardships. 



🌼 You're Not Alone...


Personally, I'm guilty of this problem and I also know that the people I keep close have spotted several of my toxic behaviours. So, just as it is difficult for you to read this, it’s hard for me to admit my flaws out in the open too. My purpose to write this post is so that I can raise some awareness that toxicity doesn’t always have to come from somebody else. Sometimes, we can hurt ourselves and others more than we think. To be less toxic means we’re working to become a better person, to be somebody we would like – drama and toxic free. 



🌼 It's Not The End. You're Actually Getting Better!


Having somebody else like me to say straight up to you that “You’re toxic” is a tough fact to swallow. Believe me, it’s hard for me to accept that I can sometimes be THE problem too. To remember those times when I overanalysed situations and think the worst of somebody else. To giving excuses for myself and my accountability for problems I thought had nothing to do with me. To the times when I rationalised that somebody else’s pain could never triumph over my own. 


The problem when you start realising you’re toxic is that the guilt can be terribly overwhelming. But it’s okay to feel those things because self-awareness doesn’t come easy. Being mature about yourself is to admit that you can be imperfect and knowing that there’s always a way to work on them. However, being toxic means deflecting that possibility. 

🌼 How Do I Spot Toxicity When I See It?


You don’t. Well, at least it’s not as obvious as you think it is. Just as Chelsy Ranard described in The Ladders, toxicity can mean how you make people feel and the kind of vibes you’re sending them. Some of the signs you may spot may include these:

πŸ’€ You tend to exercise control over others

πŸ’€ Blame others first for your problems
πŸ’€ It's not easy to let go of the things or people that hurt you
πŸ’€ You express love or admiration when you're after something
πŸ’€ It's hard to admit you can be wrong to someone
πŸ’€ Listening patiently to others is hard
πŸ’€ Many people have little to compliment about you and you make many enemies, etc.

How we can be toxic isn't only limited in romantic relationships. It can happen in family relationships, friendships, work relationships, etc. Even if we're completely toxic-free with our partner or friends, it might not be the same case with somebody else we know. Sometimes, we let ourselves get carried away with being toxic because we think we have little to lose.


🌼 Life Isn't Over Yet. You Can Turn Things The Right Way Around.

I'd like to remind us again that we're not perfect, nobody is. Realising that we're a toxic person doesn't mean that our fates are sealed to become one forever. We can change that and it starts from doing something about it. Toxic behaviours are learned but we can also remove them over time. We can start with stopping from gossiping, being less rude to have attention and respect, avoiding judging others and assuming without basis, quitting on acting out on our emotions and anger and reminding ourselves to start noticing the effects our actions and words have on others and how we react to that. 

Related image

Toxicity can affect even the best of us. Breaking ourselves away from its chains cannot happen overnight because these things naturally take time. Remind yourself as you break one chain at a time that we can only be happier once we let go of the things that keep the best of life away. 


References:
1. The List 
2. Medium 
3. Mind Body Green 
4. The Ladders 

πŸ’–[Relationship Series] Be Selfish: Build That Self-Love

27 June 2019


Loving others comes easy but when it's about applying that same feeling to ourselves, it's complicated and sometimes we take ourselves for granted. Perhaps the feeling comes more easily when it's about overlooking whatever faults or imperfections others may have, but we can't be equally generous in forgiving ourselves. I think it comes from the urgency to be better, to be the best image of perfection we can be and because of that, anything less simply won't do.

I never thought there'd come a day I'll be writing on something like this. Not ever and for many good reasons with one in particular - I'm battling my own uninvited demons from time to time. With something like that going on, it's hard to convince myself that I can be THE person who gives people bits of advices on how they should handle theirs. Despite that, this may be a step for me to see myself in a better light and because so many of us are also similarly facing the same thing, perhaps we can talk about how to better ourselves in terms of giving the heart a break and some love. 

But do take note that this post isn't going to be a mindblowing post from me nor can I guarantee that it will it heal your hearts. I can only hope that it will help you to know that you're not alone. For you to be happier, it has to start from you and you should never be the person to give up on yourself. With that in mind, here are a few points for us to think about on our way to self-love and self-acceptance:

🌼 Perfection? Oh, we don't know her...         

One problem that we unconsciously do to ourselves is setting conditions to our self-love. To let yourself go and be happy, you need to first lose some weight, get those As, land that dream job you've always wanted and the list goes on. Of course, there's nothing wrong to have a list of goals you want to achieve someday, but it doesn't mean you can't appreciate the human being you are as of this moment. We also sometimes forget that not being able to achieve any of these things doesn't make us a failure either. Some things just take more time and a few more attempts to work before we can get them. At one point, you either get them or don't... or something better appears in its place.

I think personally, this is an advice that's the hardest for me to swallow and accept. This is simply because I've always been driven to be the best at whatever I do. Failing to meet the standards I've set for myself means I've lost and getting back up to try again would be impossible. And sometimes, I feel that I need to fulfil expectations of others when really, putting myself first and what matters to me the most should be the priority.

🌼 Sometimes, it's a matter of choice...

Image result for choices gif

Leah Davis in The Sweetest Way wrote:
When you’re making poor choices, choices that defy what you know in your heart to be right, you never will know self-love.
It's hard to love yourself when you don't make good choices in your life. We make it an impossible task to see what's there to love about ourselves when our choices don't define who we are. It's true, we don't have any control of what's to happen to us but we do have the power over ourselves and how we deal with different circumstances. Making choices we don't feel are right can lead to a never-ending cycle of guilt and frustration, and self-love may seem to be the last thing you think you're entitled to.

Occasionally I've been in that situation before where making the bad choices seem the easiest way out in dealing with my problems. Later I learnt that sometimes the good choices aren't easy to take up but when I do, I feel proud of myself. For once, I think I'm back on track at figuring out life.

🌼 Express how you feel...

Related image
Although I'm still working on self-love, I've noticed that opening up my feelings to those who I trust makes things a little more bearable. It took a lot of advices and assurances to be drilled into my head that it's okay to unburden all those feelings to someone else who can share it with me. Saying "I'm fine" which mirrors the exact opposite of how I feel makes me feel more alone and it doesn't solve my problems either. Of course, it takes time for me to even disclose my feelings because I like to get a hold of myself first. Everybody has their own timeline and different methods work differently for each of us. This may be difficult for some people such as it is for me but opening up to others doesn't make you more vulnerable. I think its a step to honesty and embracing your feelings, both the good and bad. 

Related image

When it comes to learning to love yourself and accepting the beautiful version that you are, it takes time and consistency not only on your part but the people around you too.
We need to be taught to love aspects of ourselves—again and again—by the people around us. 

😱 I'm going to puke but hey, the semester is over!

1 June 2019



My assignment partner and I have just submitted our final assignment due for the semester and I'm still having a hard time to accept the fact that WE ARE FINALLY FREE. I hadn't had a good break or much time for myself in so long that I've forgotten how to even chill and relax. Even while I was taking my time binge-watching on Netflix all afternoon today, there was still this annoying nagging voice telling me that I have work waiting for me when I didn't. I guess it takes some time to let the "Last Week Adrenaline" rush to die down a little before I can just laze around and actually enjoy my break.

And talking about breaks, here is the best part about it. It's three freaking months long because the next upcoming semester starts in September which means THIS GIRL CAN REALLY REALLY REST UP. I can finally do all the things I've been putting on hold just so that I could focus on acing my classes this semester and come out in one piece... and let's not forget, staying sane too. Because let me tell you, IT WAS TOUGH.

When people tell you Master's is hard, they honestly weren't joking. I appreciate that they don't sugarcoat their words but I still wish I was more prepared for this semester. But who am I kidding, that's what I've been telling myself every semester since foundation year but seriously though, you will never be truly prepared. You just need to have some grit, a good strong gut, awesome support group, time your procrastination hours and never ever forget that you can break down and have a good cry when things get too overwhelming. I had many of those this semester but I had so much support from my parents and mum's ulam keeping me healthy, my super fun classmates and kind words from Rino that I could finally even be here. I thought I couldn't get through it but I'm so glad that I kept trying anyway.

I haven't really thought about what I will be doing this break but I do know that I don't want to slack and sleep away through the precious three months that I have. I mean, let's admit this together, you will never have a break this long in your life ever again, especially once you've left the studying life for good and embrace the adulting life. I want to start drawing and sketching like how I used to, reading books all day, playing with my cat Dessi till I wear myself out, learning to make a new dish in the kitchen without ruining dinner for the entire family and actually head outside in the garden because I haven't done that at all since we moved in to our new home. I can't wait to be human. That's all that I'm saying.

Oh, and since we were on the topic of books, I have two in particular that I would love to finish. They're both classic literature novels (no surprise there) and I really want to tick them off my TBR list just so that I can brag and say "I'VE READ TWO BOOKS SO FAR THIS YEAR". I used to read so much back then, easily finished a book in two days but I rarely have time to even hold one let alone read a couple of lines. But I got time now so I'll take it slow and enjoy what I have. 

I've recently watched this interesting YouTube video (can't remember what's it called but I'll get back on this ASAP) on how to read books with limited time. You basically just need to read a book or listen to an audiobook for 10 minutes a day and in a year, you can finish 10-50 books easy. It's an amazing concept that starts with something simple as sparing 10 minutes of any time of the day you can spare to read. I like that and honestly, once you can cover those teeny 10 mins, you can expand it longer as you read. Start small and it gets easier to do.

I also got new spectacles from a few weeks ago. It's totally not my typical style I usually go for. I've never tried any other designs other than the typical rectangular frames ones and I've been getting so many kind compliments about how I look. What do you guys think?

Okay, glasses aside, I think I've done this blog a huge favour by posting a super awesome update from the one and only. I want to keep writing in here throughout my break for as often as I can. Out of the many things that I missed during the semester was blogging. People weren't kidding when they said blogging makes you feel better because it does. Okay, that's enough for now, thank you for readingggg!

πŸ™…Unraveling Week 9 of Master's Degree

1 May 2019


Where do I even begin? I mean, I owe it to this blog and to whoever who is kind enough to drop by and check if I'm still human or half-way to becoming a corpse. I am so sorry for not posting that many updates as I wanted.

I've been unbelievingly busy and it has gotten to the point that I'm mostly working in front of my laptop during every waking hour I have. I think the one day I actually have all to myself are on Fridays and that's about it.

Life, eh?

Anyways, just as I've mentioned earlier, it is now Week 10 in the semester and many of the assignments deadlines are dangerously close. I have to think twice or a gazillion times if I want to procrastinate and try my luck that it won't hit me hard on the face later. Trust me, as a student, you have to schedule everything even time for procrastination so you know how much time you have left (but usually you don't).

Last week was a little bit stressful, to be honest. Our bedroom air-cond sort of decided she had enough serving us so she broke down for a couple of days. I'm telling you if you don't have either an aircond or a fan to ventilate your room, you-will-die. Or close to one because for almost 3 days straight, I had about just 1-2 hours of sleep that didn't involve me waking up in a sweat and contemplating to sleep outside on the sofa where it's 2x hotter. But now, she's all patched up and behaving well. This leaves me a happier, not-so-much sleep deprived me in the mornings.

If we travel even further into last week, I was also fortunate enough to watch Endgame right after class was over. It was AMAZING and I hope so much that I can watch it again. I watched it on the first day the movie was out and the crowd was so supportive. Again, the movie??? 100/10. 10 stars out of five.

I've also bought a new book that I hope to read till the end. It was an impulse purchase sort of thing but I'm not regretting having it in my possession.

Image result for the tenant of wildfell hall book

This is a rather poor update of my life but I'm more than glad I can fill in you guys with what's going on lately. I'll update again soon!

xxx
 


I HAVE FINALLY GRADUATED FROM DEGREE!

Give me every word for "overjoyed", "relieved" and "ecstatic" from the dictionary and neither of them can truly describe how I felt about my degree graduation earlier this week. I wish I can just shout out loud about how unreal everything felt (and still is, to be honest) but all I can say are my many "thank yous" to everybody who helped me to get to where I am now.

Just look at that happy chubby face!

Le classmatesss!


Thanks to God, my parents, lecturers, friends and myself, 3 years of nothing but hard work are paid off and I received the awesome Vice Counselor Award (ANC) during the 8th graduation session this Wednesday. Since it's been almost a year since I was done with my degree and applied for masters, I initially thought I wouldn't be up for celebrating something in the past. Still, I was proved wrong. Nothing can beat the feeling of seeing my parents' and lecturers' faces when I got up that stage and claimed my award.

Thank youuuu so much from the very bottom of my heart to those kind souls who were there for me! I only hope for the very best for you in return.

:)

🀳 Taking a Break from Twidder!

8 February 2019


Hi everybody! 

Not long after I published my most recent post, How I'm Coping with Exam Results (FYI Not So Well), I was scrolling through my Twitter and Instagram non-stop, trying to fill up the empty and bored void inside of me when I realised something.

First of all, Twitter does not make things unbearable nor does it ruin people's lives. Just to set some things straight, I'll say this: it's an amazing platform to connect with my friends, getting news at a super ridiculous speed and sharing funny tweets.

But on another side of the spectrum, we have the negative and never-ending debates people engage in and can't seem to stop going on about them and dominating my feed. Sometimes, I can't help but get swallowed up in the whole drama that I have no care for. It's a nerve-racking experience. Just this week alone, we have stuff about Syed Saddiq, Emma Maembong, etc. Like... I didn't sign up to participate in all of this. I just wanted to know what my friends are doing and spam them with cats and bunny pictures!!!
Image result for i love cats gif

I basically snapped on that day and I finally decided that I needed a break from the app, even just for a while. It's not just about this week's drama... but Twitter netizens have of late been rather unbearable and toxic for me to get along with.

Of course, there's also the fact that I'm pretty sure I'm a Twitter addict. I don't like to admit it and it's even worse when I can verify this fact myself. There could be hundreds of things that I could do in a day but scrolling for the 1001th time on Twitter isn't exactly helping me to get things done. The whole "twitter getaway escape" was to help me get my time management on my phone set straight and perhaps, a little break to take my mind off from unnecessary drama. I reached a point where enough is enough and packed my bags to clear my head.
Image result for twitter addiction gif

I stayed away from Twitter for 4 days. I managed to restrain myself from tapping the app open in that period of time with little to no trouble at all. I was expecting more challenges, perhaps several episodes of me breaking down from "Twitter withdrawals" or an epic inner battle with my consciousness to keep me away from achieving my initial objective. However, no such things happened. I'm not going to lie though, I did feel some sense of emptiness at some point of the ordeal, especially when my friends texted me about something that happened on Twidder and I had no idea how to relate to the context. Still, I actually felt at peace and by the end of the fourth day (my birthday), I could stay on Twitter for short period of time to respond to a few wishes and left it again to do other businesses.

I think grabbing this break away from Twitter was a great idea. If I ever feel that things are getting too overwhelming on this social media platform, I know that I'd be okay to just leave it until it has reached to a level that I'm more familiar and comfortable with.

What do you think? Have you ever felt like taking a break too? Tell me your thoughts!
Related image

🀭 My Current Guilty Obsessions

9 January 2019



Before we even start with today's post (that was due two days ago but you didn't know that.... okay now well you do), let me just be very frank with you: I'm the most boring person to be around. What I mean is, just a year ago, I didn't have interests or hobbies that could be the spark factor in a conversation.

Not until just very recently, I started watching drama series and catching up on recent movies, and picking up new hobbies (they sort of died when I started my master's degree). For today, I'll be listing out my current obsessions that I'm in love with. Spot any that you can relate!


1. Poetry writing
YES, this is something super brand new that I sometimes catch myself doing in my spare time. Honestly, I've never been the sort of person to take a few moments to appreciate beautiful words and feel emotions on a deeper level. It's funny how that completely changed over the past 1-2 years and now I'm even collecting as many poetry books I can get my hands on!

This is an excerpt of one of my poems:


I used to start writing a few poems just out of practice for a couple of contests I wanted to participate in. That's why in my draft, each poem is entitled with a "P" (meaning practice) followed by a sequence number. Now, I write poems out of interest especially after listening to songs that click with me or even craft short verses for my friends. 


2. Epic Seven (Game)


Image result for epic seven

Honestly, if I'm in somebody else's shoes and take one good look at myself right now, I won't be convinced that I'm much of a gamer. It's not that far from the truth too because I don't have enough patience one needs to play any games through till the end. I gave up with Sims Play after failing to get my Sims avatar pregnant for 3 weeks. Not to forget that I'm pretty crappy at gaming too! I've accepted that fact a long, long time ago.

Late last year, I was introduced to a new mobile game called Epic Seven and since then, I've been hooked to it every other day. It's really addictive and for someone who has the attention span of a fly, it's interesting and challenging enough to keep me going. Ironically, I haven't passed Level 10 yet and it's been 2-3 months since I started playing this game. UGH!


3. YouTube Channels & Videos
Since I'm on my long (SUPER TERRIBLY LONG) semester holiday, I have all the time in the world to binge through YouTube videos I've been wanting to catch up on. Here are just some of the few favourites in my subscription list:
  • Lucy Moon
Image result for lucy moon

I absolutely LOVE Lucy's laidback and personal chats with her viewers. She talks from everyday issues to relationships, makeup, girl-to-girl advises and shares frequent vlogs. And I just like her accent (that's pretty much the whole reason really but she's cool too!).

  • Shazz Zainuddin
Image result for Shazz Zainuddin

When it comes to this particular YouTuber, I don't even know where to begin. HAHA. She's super quirky and funny in all of her videos. Her personality is really likeable and honestly, she can light up your day anytime.
  • The Fitness Marshall
Image result for the fitness marshall

I'm at my laziest when it comes to dragging myself out of the house or let alone my own room. However, I'm moderately conscious of my health and well-being (note: sometimes) and so I'm continuously finding ways to motivate myself to still exercise even if it means not having to go outside. I've been following this YouTube channel for 2-3 years and let me tell you, it is FUN. You should seriously check them out whenever you want to work out from home!

4. Drama Series
  • How I Met Your Mother (HIMYM)
Related image

I'm currently in Season 4 and I'm loving all the drama and humour that make this whole series AWESOME. I just wish I knew about HIMYM sooner. AHFKLAJFLDAJLK!!!!

  • Game of Thrones (GOT)
Image result for game of thrones gif

I'm down to the second season and I have two episodes left to go. I've been postponing my GOT Season 2 "journey" experience because I just CAN'T bring myself to watch what will happen next. I'm emotionally attached to my characters. I AM WEAK. T_T
.
.
.
.
Alright, so that's basically all that I have time for in today's post. 

What's YOUR current obsession? Share them in the comment box below!