What If You're the Toxic One?

9 July 2019


In today’s post, I’d like to dive in a little deeper to a different topic that somewhat relates to what I was talking about in my previous post: [Relationship Series] Be Selfish: Build That Self-Love. Loving yourself unconditionally is and should always will be your top priority and because of that, accepting your flaws is one way to prove to yourself that you have what it takes to be a better you. 

You know how we’re always told to avoid toxicity and the people it possesses like there’s fire burning at our heels? It’s true, we should, we must. But then again, nobody can truly run far from being toxic. I’m not validating or supporting the people who make our lives miserable because believing that being toxic is simply a personality trait is nothing but a terribly weak excuse. What I do believe in though is that as a human being, we’re all made up of a ball of complexity with all the good and bad bits that make us who we are. We’re not entirely perfect but there’s never real pressure to be one. Who needs to be? 


We may be a good or bad person (or both), but whoever we are, I think just about anyone can fall into toxicity – this includes ourselves too and at some point of our lives, we have to admit that there could be times when we may be contributing to our own hardships. 



🌼 You're Not Alone...


Personally, I'm guilty of this problem and I also know that the people I keep close have spotted several of my toxic behaviours. So, just as it is difficult for you to read this, it’s hard for me to admit my flaws out in the open too. My purpose to write this post is so that I can raise some awareness that toxicity doesn’t always have to come from somebody else. Sometimes, we can hurt ourselves and others more than we think. To be less toxic means we’re working to become a better person, to be somebody we would like – drama and toxic free. 



🌼 It's Not The End. You're Actually Getting Better!


Having somebody else like me to say straight up to you that “You’re toxic” is a tough fact to swallow. Believe me, it’s hard for me to accept that I can sometimes be THE problem too. To remember those times when I overanalysed situations and think the worst of somebody else. To giving excuses for myself and my accountability for problems I thought had nothing to do with me. To the times when I rationalised that somebody else’s pain could never triumph over my own. 


The problem when you start realising you’re toxic is that the guilt can be terribly overwhelming. But it’s okay to feel those things because self-awareness doesn’t come easy. Being mature about yourself is to admit that you can be imperfect and knowing that there’s always a way to work on them. However, being toxic means deflecting that possibility. 

🌼 How Do I Spot Toxicity When I See It?


You don’t. Well, at least it’s not as obvious as you think it is. Just as Chelsy Ranard described in The Ladders, toxicity can mean how you make people feel and the kind of vibes you’re sending them. Some of the signs you may spot may include these:

💀 You tend to exercise control over others

💀 Blame others first for your problems
💀 It's not easy to let go of the things or people that hurt you
💀 You express love or admiration when you're after something
💀 It's hard to admit you can be wrong to someone
💀 Listening patiently to others is hard
💀 Many people have little to compliment about you and you make many enemies, etc.

How we can be toxic isn't only limited in romantic relationships. It can happen in family relationships, friendships, work relationships, etc. Even if we're completely toxic-free with our partner or friends, it might not be the same case with somebody else we know. Sometimes, we let ourselves get carried away with being toxic because we think we have little to lose.


🌼 Life Isn't Over Yet. You Can Turn Things The Right Way Around.

I'd like to remind us again that we're not perfect, nobody is. Realising that we're a toxic person doesn't mean that our fates are sealed to become one forever. We can change that and it starts from doing something about it. Toxic behaviours are learned but we can also remove them over time. We can start with stopping from gossiping, being less rude to have attention and respect, avoiding judging others and assuming without basis, quitting on acting out on our emotions and anger and reminding ourselves to start noticing the effects our actions and words have on others and how we react to that. 

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Toxicity can affect even the best of us. Breaking ourselves away from its chains cannot happen overnight because these things naturally take time. Remind yourself as you break one chain at a time that we can only be happier once we let go of the things that keep the best of life away. 


References:
1. The List 
2. Medium 
3. Mind Body Green 
4. The Ladders 

Be Selfish: Build That Self-Love

27 June 2019


Loving others comes easy but when it's about applying that same feeling to ourselves, it's complicated and sometimes we take ourselves for granted. Perhaps the feeling comes more easily when it's about overlooking whatever faults or imperfections others may have, but we can't be equally generous in forgiving ourselves. I think it comes from the urgency to be better, to be the best image of perfection we can be and because of that, anything less simply won't do.

I never thought there'd come a day I'll be writing on something like this. Not ever and for many good reasons with one in particular - I'm battling my own uninvited demons from time to time. With something like that going on, it's hard to convince myself that I can be THE person who gives people bits of advices on how they should handle theirs. Despite that, this may be a step for me to see myself in a better light and because so many of us are also similarly facing the same thing, perhaps we can talk about how to better ourselves in terms of giving the heart a break and some love. 

But do take note that this post isn't going to be a mindblowing post from me nor can I guarantee that it will it heal your hearts. I can only hope that it will help you to know that you're not alone. For you to be happier, it has to start from you and you should never be the person to give up on yourself. With that in mind, here are a few points for us to think about on our way to self-love and self-acceptance:

🌼 Perfection? Oh, we don't know her...         

One problem that we unconsciously do to ourselves is setting conditions to our self-love. To let yourself go and be happy, you need to first lose some weight, get those As, land that dream job you've always wanted and the list goes on. Of course, there's nothing wrong to have a list of goals you want to achieve someday, but it doesn't mean you can't appreciate the human being you are as of this moment. We also sometimes forget that not being able to achieve any of these things doesn't make us a failure either. Some things just take more time and a few more attempts to work before we can get them. At one point, you either get them or don't... or something better appears in its place.

I think personally, this is an advice that's the hardest for me to swallow and accept. This is simply because I've always been driven to be the best at whatever I do. Failing to meet the standards I've set for myself means I've lost and getting back up to try again would be impossible. And sometimes, I feel that I need to fulfil expectations of others when really, putting myself first and what matters to me the most should be the priority.

🌼 Sometimes, it's a matter of choice...

Image result for choices gif

Leah Davis in The Sweetest Way wrote:
When you’re making poor choices, choices that defy what you know in your heart to be right, you never will know self-love.
It's hard to love yourself when you don't make good choices in your life. We make it an impossible task to see what's there to love about ourselves when our choices don't define who we are. It's true, we don't have any control of what's to happen to us but we do have the power over ourselves and how we deal with different circumstances. Making choices we don't feel are right can lead to a never-ending cycle of guilt and frustration, and self-love may seem to be the last thing you think you're entitled to.

Occasionally I've been in that situation before where making the bad choices seem the easiest way out in dealing with my problems. Later I learnt that sometimes the good choices aren't easy to take up but when I do, I feel proud of myself. For once, I think I'm back on track at figuring out life.

🌼 Express how you feel...

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Although I'm still working on self-love, I've noticed that opening up my feelings to those who I trust makes things a little more bearable. It took a lot of advices and assurances to be drilled into my head that it's okay to unburden all those feelings to someone else who can share it with me. Saying "I'm fine" which mirrors the exact opposite of how I feel makes me feel more alone and it doesn't solve my problems either. Of course, it takes time for me to even disclose my feelings because I like to get a hold of myself first. Everybody has their own timeline and different methods work differently for each of us. This may be difficult for some people such as it is for me but opening up to others doesn't make you more vulnerable. I think it's a step to honesty and embracing your feelings, both good and bad. 

When it comes to learning to love yourself and accepting the beautiful version that you are, it takes time and consistency not only on your part but the people around you too.
We need to be taught to love aspects of ourselves—again and again—by the people around us. 

🌟 What Stars Like Us Do 🌟

20 June 2019

[A poem]

📺 First Time Reviewing a Movie: I am Mother [Netflix]

11 June 2019

Image result for I am mother
Photo source One Angry Gamer

I haven't watched movies that extensively until just lately and based on what I can remember, I am Mother was definitely worth the watch. It's not a new "new" movie having been first screened in January this year but it was aired 3 days ago on Netflix.

😱 I'm going to puke but hey, the semester is over!

1 June 2019



My assignment partner and I have just submitted our final assignment due for the semester and I'm still having a hard time to accept the fact that WE ARE FINALLY FREE. I hadn't had a good break or much time for myself in so long that I've forgotten how to even chill and relax. Even while I was taking my time binge-watching on Netflix all afternoon today, there was still this annoying nagging voice telling me that I have work waiting for me when I didn't. I guess it takes some time to let the "Last Week Adrenaline" rush to die down a little before I can just laze around and actually enjoy my break.

And talking about breaks, here is the best part about it. It's three freaking months long because the next upcoming semester starts in September which means THIS GIRL CAN REALLY REALLY REST UP. I can finally do all the things I've been putting on hold just so that I could focus on acing my classes this semester and come out in one piece... and let's not forget, staying sane too. Because let me tell you, IT WAS TOUGH.

When people tell you Master's is hard, they honestly weren't joking. I appreciate that they don't sugarcoat their words but I still wish I was more prepared for this semester. But who am I kidding, that's what I've been telling myself every semester since foundation year but seriously though, you will never be truly prepared. You just need to have some grit, a good strong gut, awesome support group, time your procrastination hours and never ever forget that you can break down and have a good cry when things get too overwhelming. I had many of those this semester but I had so much support from my parents and mum's ulam keeping me healthy, my super fun classmates and kind words from Rino that I could finally even be here. I thought I couldn't get through it but I'm so glad that I kept trying anyway.

I haven't really thought about what I will be doing this break but I do know that I don't want to slack and sleep away through the precious three months that I have. I mean, let's admit this together, you will never have a break this long in your life ever again, especially once you've left the studying life for good and embrace the adulting life. I want to start drawing and sketching like how I used to, reading books all day, playing with my cat Dessi till I wear myself out, learning to make a new dish in the kitchen without ruining dinner for the entire family and actually head outside in the garden because I haven't done that at all since we moved in to our new home. I can't wait to be human. That's all that I'm saying.

Oh, and since we were on the topic of books, I have two in particular that I would love to finish. They're both classic literature novels (no surprise there) and I really want to tick them off my TBR list just so that I can brag and say "I'VE READ TWO BOOKS SO FAR THIS YEAR". I used to read so much back then, easily finished a book in two days but I rarely have time to even hold one let alone read a couple of lines. But I got time now so I'll take it slow and enjoy what I have. 

I've recently watched this interesting YouTube video (can't remember what's it called but I'll get back on this ASAP) on how to read books with limited time. You basically just need to read a book or listen to an audiobook for 10 minutes a day and in a year, you can finish 10-50 books easy. It's an amazing concept that starts with something simple as sparing 10 minutes of any time of the day you can spare to read. I like that and honestly, once you can cover those teeny 10 mins, you can expand it longer as you read. Start small and it gets easier to do.

I also got new spectacles from a few weeks ago. It's totally not my typical style I usually go for. I've never tried any other designs other than the typical rectangular frames ones and I've been getting so many kind compliments about how I look. What do you guys think?

Okay, glasses aside, I think I've done this blog a huge favour by posting a super awesome update from the one and only. I want to keep writing in here throughout my break for as often as I can. Out of the many things that I missed during the semester was blogging. People weren't kidding when they said blogging makes you feel better because it does. Okay, that's enough for now, thank you for readingggg!

🙅Unraveling Week 9 of Master's Degree

1 May 2019


Where do I even begin? I mean, I owe it to this blog and to whoever who is kind enough to drop by and check if I'm still human or half-way to becoming a corpse. I am so sorry for not posting that many updates as I wanted.

I've been unbelievingly busy and it has gotten to the point that I'm mostly working in front of my laptop during every waking hour I have. I think the one day I actually have all to myself are on Fridays and that's about it.

Life, eh?

Anyways, just as I've mentioned earlier, it is now Week 10 in the semester and many of the assignments deadlines are dangerously close. I have to think twice or a gazillion times if I want to procrastinate and try my luck that it won't hit me hard on the face later. Trust me, as a student, you have to schedule everything even time for procrastination so you know how much time you have left (but usually you don't).

Last week was a little bit stressful, to be honest. Our bedroom air-cond sort of decided she had enough serving us so she broke down for a couple of days. I'm telling you if you don't have either an aircond or a fan to ventilate your room, you-will-die. Or close to one because for almost 3 days straight, I had about just 1-2 hours of sleep that didn't involve me waking up in a sweat and contemplating to sleep outside on the sofa where it's 2x hotter. But now, she's all patched up and behaving well. This leaves me a happier, not-so-much sleep deprived me in the mornings.

If we travel even further into last week, I was also fortunate enough to watch Endgame right after class was over. It was AMAZING and I hope so much that I can watch it again. I watched it on the first day the movie was out and the crowd was so supportive. Again, the movie??? 100/10. 10 stars out of five.

I've also bought a new book that I hope to read till the end. It was an impulse purchase sort of thing but I'm not regretting having it in my possession.

Image result for the tenant of wildfell hall book

This is a rather poor update of my life but I'm more than glad I can fill in you guys with what's going on lately. I'll update again soon!

xxx
 


I HAVE FINALLY GRADUATED FROM DEGREE!

Give me every word for "overjoyed", "relieved" and "ecstatic" from the dictionary and neither of them can truly describe how I felt about my degree graduation earlier this week. I wish I can just shout out loud about how unreal everything felt (and still is, to be honest) but all I can say are my many "thank yous" to everybody who helped me to get to where I am now.

Just look at that happy chubby face!

Le classmatesss!


Thanks to God, my parents, lecturers, friends and myself, 3 years of nothing but hard work are paid off and I received the awesome Vice Counselor Award (ANC) during the 8th graduation session this Wednesday. Since it's been almost a year since I was done with my degree and applied for masters, I initially thought I wouldn't be up for celebrating something in the past. Still, I was proved wrong. Nothing can beat the feeling of seeing my parents' and lecturers' faces when I got up that stage and claimed my award.

Thank youuuu so much from the very bottom of my heart to those kind souls who were there for me! I only hope for the very best for you in return.

:)

🤳 Taking a Break from Twidder!

8 February 2019


Hi everybody! 

Not long after I published my most recent post, How I'm Coping with Exam Results (FYI Not So Well), I was scrolling through my Twitter and Instagram non-stop, trying to fill up the empty and bored void inside of me when I realised something.

First of all, Twitter does not make things unbearable nor does it ruin people's lives. Just to set some things straight, I'll say this: it's an amazing platform to connect with my friends, getting news at a super ridiculous speed and sharing funny tweets.

But on another side of the spectrum, we have the negative and never-ending debates people engage in and can't seem to stop going on about them and dominating my feed. Sometimes, I can't help but get swallowed up in the whole drama that I have no care for. It's a nerve-racking experience. Just this week alone, we have stuff about Syed Saddiq, Emma Maembong, etc. Like... I didn't sign up to participate in all of this. I just wanted to know what my friends are doing and spam them with cats and bunny pictures!!!
Image result for i love cats gif

I basically snapped on that day and I finally decided that I needed a break from the app, even just for a while. It's not just about this week's drama... but Twitter netizens have of late been rather unbearable and toxic for me to get along with.

Of course, there's also the fact that I'm pretty sure I'm a Twitter addict. I don't like to admit it and it's even worse when I can verify this fact myself. There could be hundreds of things that I could do in a day but scrolling for the 1001th time on Twitter isn't exactly helping me to get things done. The whole "twitter getaway escape" was to help me get my time management on my phone set straight and perhaps, a little break to take my mind off from unnecessary drama. I reached a point where enough is enough and packed my bags to clear my head.
Image result for twitter addiction gif

I stayed away from Twitter for 4 days. I managed to restrain myself from tapping the app open in that period of time with little to no trouble at all. I was expecting more challenges, perhaps several episodes of me breaking down from "Twitter withdrawals" or an epic inner battle with my consciousness to keep me away from achieving my initial objective. However, no such things happened. I'm not going to lie though, I did feel some sense of emptiness at some point of the ordeal, especially when my friends texted me about something that happened on Twidder and I had no idea how to relate to the context. Still, I actually felt at peace and by the end of the fourth day (my birthday), I could stay on Twitter for short period of time to respond to a few wishes and left it again to do other businesses.

I think grabbing this break away from Twitter was a great idea. If I ever feel that things are getting too overwhelming on this social media platform, I know that I'd be okay to just leave it until it has reached to a level that I'm more familiar and comfortable with.

What do you think? Have you ever felt like taking a break too? Tell me your thoughts!
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🧟‍♀️ How I'm Coping with Exam Results Day (fyi, not so well)

1 February 2019



You know what, this is exactly why I don't ever EVER set new year resolutions or even tell anybody if I have one. For people like me, they're made just to be broken or left to perish before the year even actually begins. In my case, I've left this sparkling new blog of mine abandoned for a good 3 weeks without a peep or sign of life. I NEED TO GET A GRIP. ARGH!

To be really honest with you, I have my reasons (here we go again). Well, primarily just two.

Reason 1: 
I absolutely have zero ideas on what to talk about without sounding cliche, boastful and pompous, or worse, an until bore. I WRITE FOR PERFECTION and inspiration has not blessed me with its presence for that amount of time and thus, I was absent. I swear on my life that when I truly write (fueled by inspiration, motivation, and a brilliant idea) and into something, I do it till my brain cells are fried and smoke comes out of my ears. Yes, exactly.
Image result for i got nothing gif

Reason 2: 
I have been in utter despair these last few days when a friend of mine told me that our exam results are coming out NEXT WEEK, first thing on Monday. And to make matters even worse than it already is, it will conveniently happen on my BIRTHDAY. Like whyyyyyyy... Now, whenever anybody mentions of my birthday, a chip of my soul gasps in horror and wilts away. I can't think straight, not at least until I know how well I did last semester. Once that unfortunate wretched day has passed, my soul can rest in peace and I can continue to leech more YouTube videos in bed.
Image result for panic exam results gif


With that explanation, you have your answer from the title of this blog post: no, I'm not coping so well. If you're a close friend of mine then you probably understand why I've been gloomy for a while. I just honestly can't stand long semester breaks. I don't want to make myself sound like I haven't tried being busy because I have, and it didn't last very long. I've read a few books, wrote some pretty TERRIFIC poems, watched all the movies that I wanted (I still haven't found Matilda on the Internet), and binged through dozens of YouTube videos, yet, it didn't feel very fulfilling.

Now that the new semester is a few weeks away, I have just enough strength to slowly but steadily build momentum in reading journal articles related to my course, pick up my Mandarin learning app, and basically doing stuff that is bringing my mind back to life. I CAN FEEL THE OLD WANI COMING BACK.

Anyways, that's about it for today's update! I hope to write more once I find an interesting topic to mull over and write. I have the drive to write but not the topic Hope you liked this one!

In the meantime, do me a favour and remember me in your prayers. HAHA
Image result for pray for me gif

P.S.
Pssssst! I'm just going to put this out here. I'm open to writing collaborations with other bloggers if interested. I think with the amount of time I have (there's plenty on my lap right now), I would loveeee to contribute my writing and work together. Email me here to chat about it: syazwanizzati@gmail.com

🤭 My Current Guilty Obsessions

9 January 2019



Before we even start with today's post (that was due two days ago but you didn't know that.... okay now well you do), let me just be very frank with you: I'm the most boring person to be around. What I mean is, just a year ago, I didn't have interests or hobbies that could be the spark factor in a conversation.

Not until just very recently, I started watching drama series and catching up on recent movies, and picking up new hobbies (they sort of died when I started my master's degree). For today, I'll be listing out my current obsessions that I'm in love with. Spot any that you can relate!


1. Poetry writing
YES, this is something super brand new that I sometimes catch myself doing in my spare time. Honestly, I've never been the sort of person to take a few moments to appreciate beautiful words and feel emotions on a deeper level. It's funny how that completely changed over the past 1-2 years and now I'm even collecting as many poetry books I can get my hands on!

This is an excerpt of one of my poems:


I used to start writing a few poems just out of practice for a couple of contests I wanted to participate in. That's why in my draft, each poem is entitled with a "P" (meaning practice) followed by a sequence number. Now, I write poems out of interest especially after listening to songs that click with me or even craft short verses for my friends. 


2. Epic Seven (Game)


Image result for epic seven

Honestly, if I'm in somebody else's shoes and take one good look at myself right now, I won't be convinced that I'm much of a gamer. It's not that far from the truth too because I don't have enough patience one needs to play any games through till the end. I gave up with Sims Play after failing to get my Sims avatar pregnant for 3 weeks. Not to forget that I'm pretty crappy at gaming too! I've accepted that fact a long, long time ago.

Late last year, I was introduced to a new mobile game called Epic Seven and since then, I've been hooked to it every other day. It's really addictive and for someone who has the attention span of a fly, it's interesting and challenging enough to keep me going. Ironically, I haven't passed Level 10 yet and it's been 2-3 months since I started playing this game. UGH!


3. YouTube Channels & Videos
Since I'm on my long (SUPER TERRIBLY LONG) semester holiday, I have all the time in the world to binge through YouTube videos I've been wanting to catch up on. Here are just some of the few favourites in my subscription list:
  • Lucy Moon
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I absolutely LOVE Lucy's laidback and personal chats with her viewers. She talks from everyday issues to relationships, makeup, girl-to-girl advises and shares frequent vlogs. And I just like her accent (that's pretty much the whole reason really but she's cool too!).

  • Shazz Zainuddin
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When it comes to this particular YouTuber, I don't even know where to begin. HAHA. She's super quirky and funny in all of her videos. Her personality is really likeable and honestly, she can light up your day anytime.
  • The Fitness Marshall
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I'm at my laziest when it comes to dragging myself out of the house or let alone my own room. However, I'm moderately conscious of my health and well-being (note: sometimes) and so I'm continuously finding ways to motivate myself to still exercise even if it means not having to go outside. I've been following this YouTube channel for 2-3 years and let me tell you, it is FUN. You should seriously check them out whenever you want to work out from home!

4. Drama Series
  • How I Met Your Mother (HIMYM)
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I'm currently in Season 4 and I'm loving all the drama and humour that make this whole series AWESOME. I just wish I knew about HIMYM sooner. AHFKLAJFLDAJLK!!!!

  • Game of Thrones (GOT)
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I'm down to the second season and I have two episodes left to go. I've been postponing my GOT Season 2 "journey" experience because I just CAN'T bring myself to watch what will happen next. I'm emotionally attached to my characters. I AM WEAK. T_T
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Alright, so that's basically all that I have time for in today's post. 

What's YOUR current obsession? Share them in the comment box below!

🚗🌫I Have Moved (Again)

4 January 2019


Oh no, she has done it again!

Okay, before anybody freaks out and call the authorities to have me arrested for moving so often, I can justify why I did what I did. Or at least I can try.

To be completely honest with you, I only moved to Wordpress (my previous blog) because my actual blog on Blogger had problems with the coding when I was messing around with it. To make this story short, I don't have access to it. Besides, I've always loved Blogger's simple writing platform which is why this will most probably be my final blog resting place (wow).

Anywhoooooo... Like I've promised, I'm going to update this blog twice a week to really keep this blog up and running as it used to be.

New blog posts on: Mondays & Fridays

In the meantime, don't forget to follow me and drop your own blog link below! I loveeee to read blog posts so I welcome yours!

🤫Too Much Information Tag

3 January 2018

Ohmygosh, she's going to say it!

Hello everyone! Today, I thought it'd be a good idea if I dedicate one post on a rather popular topic — TMI or Too Much Information Tag. I'm inspired to make one by the lovely Atheera Dayana who also uploaded an interesting post last year.



I'm not sure what to expect to be honest although I've briefly scanned through the questions a while back. Having a rather faulty memory doesn't help either so I only have the adequate idea of what to answer. But I've heard that that's the best part about any tag at all.

Okay, let's get started!



  • What are you currently wearing?
My favourite T-shirt that I got from the Hat Run 2017 marathon and comfy grey trousers.

  • Have you ever been in love?
Yessss.

  • Have you ever had a terrible breakup?
I've never been in an intimate relationship before so it's a definite solid 'no'. 

  • How old are you?
Young, fabulous, and sometimes a little clumsy. That's all you need to know, honey.

  • How tall are you?
I'm a proud 1.59 m. Let a girl appreciate her height for once. I've never been this tall before. Haha!

  • How much do you weigh?
I consider myself quite overweight (fat ratio wise I mean), around 52-53kg. Give or take.

  • Do you have any piercings?
I used to wear earrings but they always get caught on my inner shawl (is that what we call them in English? lol). And no, it wasn't pretty when things went downhill from there. But I miss wearing them and having them blinking at me when I wore them.

  • Do you have any tattoos?
When I was little, we thought it was cool to put those super temporary childish fake tattoos that you just have to stick to your skin. It fades over time but it hurts like hell if you scrub it off.

  • What’s your favorite drink?
I always order for either of these — Iced Milo drink, mango juice, or apple juice.

  • What’s your favorite song?
I don't have a particular favourite song but I'm currently in LOVE with all the songs in The Greatest Showman movie soundtrack.

  • What’s your Zodiac sign?
I'm an Aquarius. heheh...

  • How long does it take you to shower?
Honestly, I whizz in the shower. 10 minutes top or even less.

  • What’s favorite show?
I'm not a TV person so I'm rarely glued in front of one, but I occasionally watch The Graham Norton Show or the Big Bang Theory. Who does not love them anyways?

  • What’s your favorite band?
I don't really have a particular favourite.

  • Something you really miss?
My friends from uni! We'll be heading to our internship places and might not see each other for a while. Noooooo....

  • Where do you go when you’re sad?
Somewhere quiet and private where I can look through the problem at hand and sort myself out the best I can.

  • How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
On a school day or days when I'm expected in the morning, I would be up and about 1 hour 30 minutes EXACTLY before I have to head out to wherever I'm needed. I time everything like I'm paranoid that way. Hah!

  • Have you ever been in a physical fight?
I guess joining Taekwondo and Karate don't count, but as a kid in primary school, there were plenty of times where I willingly joined in. I was a tomboy if you haven't guessed that part so I hung out with the boys and we had play fights sometimes.

  • Quality you look for in a partner?
Dependable, patient, and someone who can get along with my 2AM talks.

  • What’s your favorite color?
REDDDD

  • Loud music or soft?
I don't like loud music to be honest. It scares me that I might actually go deaf after having to wear specs for almost 2 decades. That technically means that I'm partially blind since I can't live without them. Haha!

  • Favorite Quote?
Put yourself first. Always.

  • Favorite actor?
Got a crush on Domhnall Gleeson!

  • The reason you joined YouTube?
I was obsessed with Booktubers and reading for so long that I thought I could join in. My channel has been rather quiet for a while and I'm not sure what to upload in there for the time being.

  • Do you have any fears? What they are?
I am absolutely TERRIFIED of being in the dark and standing at great heights. Mostly of the dark because I literally freeze whenever I'm caught in a room with low lights or total darkness.

  • What’s the last thing that made you cry?
This is going to sound so funny but I actually cried over a story online that I was reading just 2 days ago. I cried like a baby from underneath the duvet.

  • Meaning behind your YouTube Name?
It's called Bookworm14Cats and it's not like what you're thinking. I don't have 14 cats at home but I do love the idea.

  • Last time you said you loved someone?
This week to my parentsss.

  • Last book you read?
Hunger from my favourite author Michael Grant. I LOVE THESE BOOKS.

  • The book you’re currently reading?
Moby Dick and Hunger.

  • Last show you watched?
I honestly can't remember. HAHA!

  • Last place you were?
My room for a good couple of hours while the technician fixed our air cond. I was dying of boredom in there.

  • Last sport you played?
Karate trainings.

  • Who’s the last person you talked to?
My sister in the kitchen as I peeled and poked my finger with dead shrimps.

  • Last song you sang?
IDGAF by Dua Lipa. You soooo have to listen to this song.

  • Favorite chat up line?
Gosh, I'm lame. I don't know.

  • Do you have a crush?
Yep, on Domhnall Gleeson. Just without the beard.

  • The relationship between you and the person you last texted?
Club committee. We're working on an ebook project.

  • Favorite food?
I love (and without fail) mee curry, my mum's bubur lambuk and everything else that's magical she makes.

  • Place you want to visit?
I want to visit an art gallery so bad because I've never been to one.

  • What’s the last time you kissed someone?
None. lol.

  • Last time you were insulted?
Can't remember exactly when but it was about my choice in speaking mostly in English.

  • Favorite flavor of sweet?
I don't like sweets actually, but I love chocolate especially Mars bars. Yummm!

  • What instruments do you play??
None, but I would love to learn how to play the piano and violin.

  • Favorite piece of jewelry?
I think jewelry is pretty but I've almost never managed to keep one in one piece or wear one for long.

  • Have you ever used it?
Yes, and it was a pretty ring that was one size too big but I wore it everywhere. 

  • Last time you hung out with anyone?
With three of my favourite people - Luke, Ainal, and Naem.

  • What turns you on?
Cat pics on my instagram and Twitter. Safe to say that they conquer my life.

  • What turns you off?
People who don't respect others and exaggerate situations on social media when it isn't even that big of a deal. People need to chill.

  • Who should answer these questions next? Tag them……
Everyone who reads this post!


I'm waitinggggg. And thank you for reading my post. I really hope that you like it and if you have comments to add, don't hesitate!